CREATIVE HEADSPACE
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Set My Soul On Fire
scene one: set my soul on fire.
scene: a basement in west Philadelphia. a beuatiful young woman, Biz, is flipping through compact discs and sitting in front of a microphone. the other dj, Bob, is also in front of a microphone. the song ends with the sound of a man screaming “set my soul on fire) fx or something.
Biz....damn, that’s sick...it’s 2:30 and you’re listening to wppr, 91.7 fm...
bob...yeah, you are...
Biz...let’s talk about things...
bob...uh, this is the list of stuff you just heard--
Biz: by request!
bob...yeah, right! by request. (you can tell that he resents Biz deeply by the slightest sneer in his voice.)
Bob: McRad, with McShred.
Biz: you know what? that’s the only song i ever hear people playing by McRad
Bob; (with a slight chuckle) That’s because it’s safe. don’t need to drop out for curse words. It’s because it has the word “shred” in it i mean come on...
Biz: Like shredded meat?
Bob: No, like...shred. How can you go wrong with it.
Biz: (used to dealing with his snide behavior by this time) Like shredded meat? Or how shredded our carpet is in here? (Bob lets out an impatient stifled sigh, as if to say, God, how stupid she is. FX: office phone rings twice.) I think those are all bad versions of ‘shred’.
Bob: No, not like that. Like “Philly shreds.” I mean that’s good, i don’t see how you can go wrong with that.
Biz (off) yeah, whatever (he bores her. both these djs have a slightly disinterested quality to their voices, as if they couldn’t wait to be elsewhere. Biz’s voice is slightly more involved and emotional. Bob’s voice shows sarcasm and indifference--)
Bob: It’s 14:31, so that means in about -- In about 29 minutes we are gonna be leaving...but in the meantime i am gonna play...some East Coast Hardcore for you. Gorilla Whiz Kids, Murphy’s law, all of that is in the wings...and then after that some other stuff that’s not quite East Coast hardcore. I don’t know if Biz has anything to say so i guess I’ll wait for her...(in the background we indistinctly hear Biz talking on the phone)
Bob: Oh, no, she’s getting a request for bad music (says this with a derisive jeer in his voice)That’s not good. What is this all about?
Biz (lightly, innocuously) Oh! Just some more requests, because that’s what we live for...we’re fun djs. We’re gonna play Moldy Peaches next, though.
Bob: What? No!(indignant) i already advertised my set! No...
Biz: I’m the deejay! (merry)
Bob: No, I don’t think it’s right that you should be usurping the set. That’s...it’s not good.
Biz: (mocking him in a fake European accent) I can do vat i vant!
Bob: I hate this song, too. I HATE it.
Biz. But it’s funny music!
Bob: we already played funny music. the time for funny music is over.
Biz: wow, i just got shocked.
Bob: Yeah! Absolutely.
Biz: Good.
Bob: Now--hit your head on something.
Biz: I didn’t--when did you hit your head?
Bob: I didn’t, but you do it. as long as it’ll hurt, do it.
Biz: (taken aback slightly) you wish me pain?
Bob: (shouting) For usurping the East Coast Hardcore set? Yes!! That’s unacceptable.
Biz: So you wish me pain? (slightly baffled)
Bob: You already got hurt by the shocking, didn’t you?
Biz: No. Shocks don’t hurt. (peeved)
Bob: yes they do! (petulant)
Biz: (nastily) unless you’re a wuss.
Bob: (still shouting) shocks hurt when i do it. I don’t know what kind of crappy slack off shocking you’re getting. I know how to shock my self.
Biz(at this point they are talking over each other.): It’s like, it’s not that it’s pain, it’s that it’s unexpected.
Bob: I’m getting major amperage flowing through my hand.
Biz: well, there must be something wrong with you.
Bob: (sounds remorseful) I just have a lot of--voltage built up, or something.
Biz. I have a lot of inner rage.
Bob: do you wanna talk about it? Do you wanna talk about voltage and potentials?
Biz: Do you wanna talk about my inner rage?
Bob: Yeah, let’s talk about that. what about it? (starts cracking up)
Biz. (a pause.) Well, I have a lot of it.
Bob: (laughing now) I see. Well, good, then.
Biz: and i don’t believe I’m coming back from London.
Bob: You’re not coming back?
Biz: No. (obviously bummed)
Bob: dude....(trails off, speechless)
Biz: and stop calling me dude! you have no respect for my femininity-- ugh... I’m going to London. I won’t on the air next week!
Bob: If you’re not coming back what excuse do I have to go to Jersey now?
Biz: Doesn’t that make you happy now? Huh? Huh?
Bob: I have to go, like, visit Dickie and stuff when I wanna hang out in Jersey because I got no reason to go if you’re not there.
(Bob is obviously in love with her, but she is angry as she has said...)
Biz: oh. so you don’t have to drive one less place.
Bob: Oh, man, that’s good. Yeah, okay. But you should still come back.
Biz: But doesn’t that just make it so that you don’t have to drive one more place? I don’t wanna live in this country anymore. my feminine rage is building. (with the hint of laughter in her voice, just the suggestion)
Bob: You gotta come back, so we can move to West Philly.
Biz: i’m moving to Hoboken. Do you know how cheap it is to live in hoboken? It’s so cheap!
Bob: aww, man, you’re a sell out. I can’t believe you’re selling out the master plan that we had.
Biz: I’m not selling out on anything. I just want to...(voice drops, she is wheeling her chair away from the mic to reach the clipboard with the public service annoucements)go to school in New York.
Bob. You’re selling out the master plan. mm...we’ve had this discussion.
Biz: Listen! One day? (takes a breath)I’m gonna live on fifth avenue.
bob: You’re Not gonna live on Fifth Avenue.
Biz: Because--
Biz: If you live on Fifth Avenue I’m gonna come throw rocks at your window.
Biz: Good. Because I’m gonna have people with guns waiting at my house to shoot you down if you show up. that’s how rich I’ll be.
Bob: I’m gonna throw other stuff at you--how are you gonna get rich exactly? (fx: phone rings)
Biz: I’m gonna be a great designer.
Bob: I’m gonna throw other stuff at you too. I’m gonna throw, like...fecal matter and things like that at your windows. I’ll wear gloves of course. I don’t wanna get diptheria, you know how it is.
Biz: What are you talking about? You don’t even wanna live with us?
Bob: (accusatory)Is it Dickie?
Biz: what-ever. you don’t even--
Bob: yeah, dickie...Dickie’s got my back. Who is it?
Biz: Dickie doesn’t wanna live with us either. I’m gonna live all by myself in Hoboken.
Bob: anybody who has a place to live in April, I’m gonna be looking. So...as long as it’s...within biking distance of Drexel...gimme a call. I think she’s gonna be on the phone for a while...since time’s slipping away...I’m gonna play the moldy peaches and next, the East Coast Hardcore Set like i said.
fx: Moldy Peaches: Who’s Got The Crack?
scene two: Second Chance
(fx: second chance: Lemonheads
Biz: early detection saves lives. (obvioulsy reading a PSA) How often we have heard that from the medical profession. we hear it from the auto industry too. The car care council advises a complete physical for your vehicle. Citing reports from it’s national car care chek, results show we do not take as much care of our cars as we should. How long since you checked your oil?
Bob: 3 days.
Biz: Liar.
Bob: I thought it was hypothetical.
Biz: i change my oil every three thousand miles because--
Bob: Yeah, me too.
Biz: because my father has pounded it into my brain that will make my car go faster. And I trust him.
Bob: It’s probably true.
Biz: yes
Bob: I don’t know for sure. Anyway, that was the Lemonheads off of their album ‘hate your friends’ and before that two songs from the zero boys...off of their cd that was recently released.
Biz: and we played fabulous disaster for my homeboy Seth. It’s a shout-out to him.
Bob. exactly. that’s right.
Biz: It’s a shout-out to him. Doctor Cheeze...
Bob: Do we have any request to fill?
Biz: so we’re almost outta here...enjoy your Thanksgiving
Bob: Yeah..make sure you eat turkey. Listen to ‘KDU while you eat turkey. Everybody’s gotta be eating turkey! That’s a good plan. and some really freaky woman just called us. hey--to that lady I was just talking to--
Biz: I really believe that that’s the same woman who--
Bob: yeah, right. Anyway we were seriously cut off and the mystery was solved. It was Biz hitting the button
Biz: yeah, and I didn’t wanna hear him yelling at anyone.
Bob: I wasn’t yelling.
Biz: yeah, but you were obviously like, i’m just trying to do something and this woman’s badgering me.
Bob: No, it wasn’t like that at all! She wasn’t badgering me.i was fine with it. It was just an intellectual conversation...You’re always saying stuff about me...
Bob:
Biz:alright then i didn’t wanna hear you talk on the phone anymore all right? I don’t know, Jesus.
Bob: all right, that’s fine, i can live with that.
Biz: why do I have to explain all my actions?
Bob: she said...that she thought i was gay.
Biz: well, you are.
Bob: Well, i guess...I’m doing a good job of showing it then...
Biz: yes. good job.
Bob: Thanks for calling and pointing that out, lady who called and said I was gay.
long silence. Bob giggles
Biz: that’s a little immature, isn’t it?
Bob: What? No!
Biz: calling someone gay.
Bob: No, no, she wasn’t calling me gay just as an insult she was saying ‘i think you’re homosexual’ like really.
Biz: that’s still really bizzare.
Bob: It’s not that bizzare. i can live with that.
Biz: (directly)i don’t know who you are today.
Bob: i mean...gay guys don’t go out with girls
Biz: unless they’re trying to cover up that they’re gay.
Bob: I guess...
Biz: or unless they don’t even know that they’re gay yet.
Bob: (after a pause) you know, the idea of Capitalists are uncomfortable warms my heart.
Biz: I can agree with you there. But you’re still gay.
Bob: I really had no clue until she called me up and told me. To be honest.
Biz: alright, well, Now you know!
Bob: Until up until thirty minutes ago everything was good to go...but now, I’m gay i guess. Whatever. I’m so happy.
Biz: why are you so shallow anyway?
Bob: huh?
Bill: (in the background preparing discs for his show) dude, being gay means that everything’s not good to go?
Bob: No! This is getting out of hand...
Bill: I don’t like your perspective on life.
Bob: (resigned) Aw, i knew that was gonna get misconstrued. anyway, that’s what I’m saying. Now i’m-- I’m not a ‘phobe, you guys.
Biz: Tonight you called me dude, man, and you just called me a guy. Yeah...there’s something odd about you.
Bob: Sure guys. Yeah. anyway i’m gonna play this bad brains live record
Biz: I’m gonna be absent next week.
Bob: yeah, Biz will be absent next wee, let’s all shed a tear...she’s gonna go to London and become the Queen or whatever... so will I cause I have to go to class just like every week...
Biz: Have a lovely holiday everyone. Enjoy your turkey.
Bob: yeah, and I’m gonna spin some bad brains out there, because we really are fun deejays...coming up next is mister bill. Enjoy.
scene: a basement in west Philadelphia. a beuatiful young woman, Biz, is flipping through compact discs and sitting in front of a microphone. the other dj, Bob, is also in front of a microphone. the song ends with the sound of a man screaming “set my soul on fire) fx or something.
Biz....damn, that’s sick...it’s 2:30 and you’re listening to wppr, 91.7 fm...
bob...yeah, you are...
Biz...let’s talk about things...
bob...uh, this is the list of stuff you just heard--
Biz: by request!
bob...yeah, right! by request. (you can tell that he resents Biz deeply by the slightest sneer in his voice.)
Bob: McRad, with McShred.
Biz: you know what? that’s the only song i ever hear people playing by McRad
Bob; (with a slight chuckle) That’s because it’s safe. don’t need to drop out for curse words. It’s because it has the word “shred” in it i mean come on...
Biz: Like shredded meat?
Bob: No, like...shred. How can you go wrong with it.
Biz: (used to dealing with his snide behavior by this time) Like shredded meat? Or how shredded our carpet is in here? (Bob lets out an impatient stifled sigh, as if to say, God, how stupid she is. FX: office phone rings twice.) I think those are all bad versions of ‘shred’.
Bob: No, not like that. Like “Philly shreds.” I mean that’s good, i don’t see how you can go wrong with that.
Biz (off) yeah, whatever (he bores her. both these djs have a slightly disinterested quality to their voices, as if they couldn’t wait to be elsewhere. Biz’s voice is slightly more involved and emotional. Bob’s voice shows sarcasm and indifference--)
Bob: It’s 14:31, so that means in about -- In about 29 minutes we are gonna be leaving...but in the meantime i am gonna play...some East Coast Hardcore for you. Gorilla Whiz Kids, Murphy’s law, all of that is in the wings...and then after that some other stuff that’s not quite East Coast hardcore. I don’t know if Biz has anything to say so i guess I’ll wait for her...(in the background we indistinctly hear Biz talking on the phone)
Bob: Oh, no, she’s getting a request for bad music (says this with a derisive jeer in his voice)That’s not good. What is this all about?
Biz (lightly, innocuously) Oh! Just some more requests, because that’s what we live for...we’re fun djs. We’re gonna play Moldy Peaches next, though.
Bob: What? No!(indignant) i already advertised my set! No...
Biz: I’m the deejay! (merry)
Bob: No, I don’t think it’s right that you should be usurping the set. That’s...it’s not good.
Biz: (mocking him in a fake European accent) I can do vat i vant!
Bob: I hate this song, too. I HATE it.
Biz. But it’s funny music!
Bob: we already played funny music. the time for funny music is over.
Biz: wow, i just got shocked.
Bob: Yeah! Absolutely.
Biz: Good.
Bob: Now--hit your head on something.
Biz: I didn’t--when did you hit your head?
Bob: I didn’t, but you do it. as long as it’ll hurt, do it.
Biz: (taken aback slightly) you wish me pain?
Bob: (shouting) For usurping the East Coast Hardcore set? Yes!! That’s unacceptable.
Biz: So you wish me pain? (slightly baffled)
Bob: You already got hurt by the shocking, didn’t you?
Biz: No. Shocks don’t hurt. (peeved)
Bob: yes they do! (petulant)
Biz: (nastily) unless you’re a wuss.
Bob: (still shouting) shocks hurt when i do it. I don’t know what kind of crappy slack off shocking you’re getting. I know how to shock my self.
Biz(at this point they are talking over each other.): It’s like, it’s not that it’s pain, it’s that it’s unexpected.
Bob: I’m getting major amperage flowing through my hand.
Biz: well, there must be something wrong with you.
Bob: (sounds remorseful) I just have a lot of--voltage built up, or something.
Biz. I have a lot of inner rage.
Bob: do you wanna talk about it? Do you wanna talk about voltage and potentials?
Biz: Do you wanna talk about my inner rage?
Bob: Yeah, let’s talk about that. what about it? (starts cracking up)
Biz. (a pause.) Well, I have a lot of it.
Bob: (laughing now) I see. Well, good, then.
Biz: and i don’t believe I’m coming back from London.
Bob: You’re not coming back?
Biz: No. (obviously bummed)
Bob: dude....(trails off, speechless)
Biz: and stop calling me dude! you have no respect for my femininity-- ugh... I’m going to London. I won’t on the air next week!
Bob: If you’re not coming back what excuse do I have to go to Jersey now?
Biz: Doesn’t that make you happy now? Huh? Huh?
Bob: I have to go, like, visit Dickie and stuff when I wanna hang out in Jersey because I got no reason to go if you’re not there.
(Bob is obviously in love with her, but she is angry as she has said...)
Biz: oh. so you don’t have to drive one less place.
Bob: Oh, man, that’s good. Yeah, okay. But you should still come back.
Biz: But doesn’t that just make it so that you don’t have to drive one more place? I don’t wanna live in this country anymore. my feminine rage is building. (with the hint of laughter in her voice, just the suggestion)
Bob: You gotta come back, so we can move to West Philly.
Biz: i’m moving to Hoboken. Do you know how cheap it is to live in hoboken? It’s so cheap!
Bob: aww, man, you’re a sell out. I can’t believe you’re selling out the master plan that we had.
Biz: I’m not selling out on anything. I just want to...(voice drops, she is wheeling her chair away from the mic to reach the clipboard with the public service annoucements)go to school in New York.
Bob. You’re selling out the master plan. mm...we’ve had this discussion.
Biz: Listen! One day? (takes a breath)I’m gonna live on fifth avenue.
bob: You’re Not gonna live on Fifth Avenue.
Biz: Because--
Biz: If you live on Fifth Avenue I’m gonna come throw rocks at your window.
Biz: Good. Because I’m gonna have people with guns waiting at my house to shoot you down if you show up. that’s how rich I’ll be.
Bob: I’m gonna throw other stuff at you--how are you gonna get rich exactly? (fx: phone rings)
Biz: I’m gonna be a great designer.
Bob: I’m gonna throw other stuff at you too. I’m gonna throw, like...fecal matter and things like that at your windows. I’ll wear gloves of course. I don’t wanna get diptheria, you know how it is.
Biz: What are you talking about? You don’t even wanna live with us?
Bob: (accusatory)Is it Dickie?
Biz: what-ever. you don’t even--
Bob: yeah, dickie...Dickie’s got my back. Who is it?
Biz: Dickie doesn’t wanna live with us either. I’m gonna live all by myself in Hoboken.
Bob: anybody who has a place to live in April, I’m gonna be looking. So...as long as it’s...within biking distance of Drexel...gimme a call. I think she’s gonna be on the phone for a while...since time’s slipping away...I’m gonna play the moldy peaches and next, the East Coast Hardcore Set like i said.
fx: Moldy Peaches: Who’s Got The Crack?
scene two: Second Chance
(fx: second chance: Lemonheads
Biz: early detection saves lives. (obvioulsy reading a PSA) How often we have heard that from the medical profession. we hear it from the auto industry too. The car care council advises a complete physical for your vehicle. Citing reports from it’s national car care chek, results show we do not take as much care of our cars as we should. How long since you checked your oil?
Bob: 3 days.
Biz: Liar.
Bob: I thought it was hypothetical.
Biz: i change my oil every three thousand miles because--
Bob: Yeah, me too.
Biz: because my father has pounded it into my brain that will make my car go faster. And I trust him.
Bob: It’s probably true.
Biz: yes
Bob: I don’t know for sure. Anyway, that was the Lemonheads off of their album ‘hate your friends’ and before that two songs from the zero boys...off of their cd that was recently released.
Biz: and we played fabulous disaster for my homeboy Seth. It’s a shout-out to him.
Bob. exactly. that’s right.
Biz: It’s a shout-out to him. Doctor Cheeze...
Bob: Do we have any request to fill?
Biz: so we’re almost outta here...enjoy your Thanksgiving
Bob: Yeah..make sure you eat turkey. Listen to ‘KDU while you eat turkey. Everybody’s gotta be eating turkey! That’s a good plan. and some really freaky woman just called us. hey--to that lady I was just talking to--
Biz: I really believe that that’s the same woman who--
Bob: yeah, right. Anyway we were seriously cut off and the mystery was solved. It was Biz hitting the button
Biz: yeah, and I didn’t wanna hear him yelling at anyone.
Bob: I wasn’t yelling.
Biz: yeah, but you were obviously like, i’m just trying to do something and this woman’s badgering me.
Bob: No, it wasn’t like that at all! She wasn’t badgering me.i was fine with it. It was just an intellectual conversation...You’re always saying stuff about me...
Bob:
Biz:alright then i didn’t wanna hear you talk on the phone anymore all right? I don’t know, Jesus.
Bob: all right, that’s fine, i can live with that.
Biz: why do I have to explain all my actions?
Bob: she said...that she thought i was gay.
Biz: well, you are.
Bob: Well, i guess...I’m doing a good job of showing it then...
Biz: yes. good job.
Bob: Thanks for calling and pointing that out, lady who called and said I was gay.
long silence. Bob giggles
Biz: that’s a little immature, isn’t it?
Bob: What? No!
Biz: calling someone gay.
Bob: No, no, she wasn’t calling me gay just as an insult she was saying ‘i think you’re homosexual’ like really.
Biz: that’s still really bizzare.
Bob: It’s not that bizzare. i can live with that.
Biz: (directly)i don’t know who you are today.
Bob: i mean...gay guys don’t go out with girls
Biz: unless they’re trying to cover up that they’re gay.
Bob: I guess...
Biz: or unless they don’t even know that they’re gay yet.
Bob: (after a pause) you know, the idea of Capitalists are uncomfortable warms my heart.
Biz: I can agree with you there. But you’re still gay.
Bob: I really had no clue until she called me up and told me. To be honest.
Biz: alright, well, Now you know!
Bob: Until up until thirty minutes ago everything was good to go...but now, I’m gay i guess. Whatever. I’m so happy.
Biz: why are you so shallow anyway?
Bob: huh?
Bill: (in the background preparing discs for his show) dude, being gay means that everything’s not good to go?
Bob: No! This is getting out of hand...
Bill: I don’t like your perspective on life.
Bob: (resigned) Aw, i knew that was gonna get misconstrued. anyway, that’s what I’m saying. Now i’m-- I’m not a ‘phobe, you guys.
Biz: Tonight you called me dude, man, and you just called me a guy. Yeah...there’s something odd about you.
Bob: Sure guys. Yeah. anyway i’m gonna play this bad brains live record
Biz: I’m gonna be absent next week.
Bob: yeah, Biz will be absent next wee, let’s all shed a tear...she’s gonna go to London and become the Queen or whatever... so will I cause I have to go to class just like every week...
Biz: Have a lovely holiday everyone. Enjoy your turkey.
Bob: yeah, and I’m gonna spin some bad brains out there, because we really are fun deejays...coming up next is mister bill. Enjoy.
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© 2012 Created by Bill Hayes.
